The season 5 premiere picks up on Marnie’s wedding day. You’ll remember that her music partner, Desi, popped the question last season.
At the beginning of the episode, Marnie seems really anxious, and she’s very worried that it’s going to rain on her big day. We also are met with a blond Shoshanna who has been living in Japan for seven months.
When Jessa blows in the room looking very ethereal, Shoshanna pays her a compliment. And, with the most Jessa response to date, she says:
“I just bathed in the stream, and then I ran through the field to dry myself.”
Classic Jessa! Hannah’s boyfriend, Fran, shows up to join the girls, and Marnie finds it really inappropriate. When Hannah doesn’t pick up on Marnie’s not-so-subtle hints, the bride-to-be recruits Shosh to do her dirty work.
“You have to go tell him to leave, and then you have to tell Hannah that she’s been so inappropriate and unsupportive for me all day.”
But when Shosh asks Fran to leave, Marnie completely throws her under the bus.
“As the bride, I just want you to know that I’m fine. Cool if you stay. Totally fine if Shosh wants you to leave.”
Um, excuse me?
An annoyed Hannah walks Fran out of the girls’ room, and expresses her concerns that Marnie is marrying someone that Hannah doesn’t even really know. With no place to go, Fran is left to hang out with the men while they get ready for the nuptials. The lineup includes: Ray, a meditating Desi, his friend, Elijah, and Adam. YES! We mean Hannah’s ex-boyfriend Adam.
Adam and Fran stare at each other and exchange awkward glances and murmurs until Ray, Marnie’s former friend with benefits, says:
“Why don’t you guys try a few complete sentences? This conversation sounds like a (bleeping) E.E. Cummings poem.”
Things get more awkward when Desi thanks Ray for being at the wedding and has no idea who Fran is.
Back in the girls’ dressing room, Marnie’s one-woman glam squad who did Sophia Bush’s sister’s wedding, tries to figure out what Marnie means when she describes her desired aesthetic as Ralph Lauren meets Joni Mitchell.
Meanwhile Jessa and Adam smoke a cigarette together and Jessa brings up Hannah’s new boyfriend, Fran.
“I’m evolved,” Adam says. “I don’t care. I’m happy for her.”
And then, Adam leans in and kisses Jessa. THE NERVE! And, Jessa says that she can’t. And we all breathed a collective sigh of relief, until the two began a full on make out session. Out in the open! Like they’re wearing cloaks of invisibility or something.
Back in the men’s quarters, Ray grills Fran about his intentions with Hannah. But then the conversation turns to Marnie, and Ray confesses:
“Today, the love of my life is getting married, and I don’t have the guts to pull a Graduate.”
Just then, a shirtless Desi comes in the room saying that he can’t go through with the wedding. And his friend reveals that this is the eighth time that Desi has been engaged, and that he’s walked away from all of the others.
Back in the girls’ room, Marnie and her mom (the fabulous Rita Wilson) fight over Marnie’s look. Her mom begs Marnie to go with a classic look, and thinks the flower crown she’s opted for makes her look like a Starbucks cup.
The hairstylist decided to let Marnie and Mom duke it out, while she moved on to Hannah’s hair. So, then, naturally, Marnie and her mom begin arguing about what accessories Hannah should use. When the stylist burns Hannah with a straightener, Hannah storms off. She finds Fran, and they make a little love in the car.
After they’re done, Fran lets it slip that Marnie’s ring was meant for Desi’s ex, Clementine, and that Desi has been engaged seven times before. Hannah says that she has to tell Marnie these new bits of information, and Fran begs her not to. And, for the icing on the cake, it starts pouring outside. So, Hannah says:
“Now, I don’t have to tell her anything ’cause she’s gonna kill herself.”
Next, we see Desi, in a bout of self-loathing, has decided to go swimming in a pond in the rain. Desi tells Ray that he doesn’t deserve Marnie, and that he knows Ray still loves her.
Ray tells Desi that being a good husband means making sacrifices so the one you love can meet their destiny. Desi takes that to mean that Ray is encouraging Desi to go through with the wedding, which for the record he totally was NOT.
In the bridal suite, Marnie thinks that her makeup is a little heavy. Here’s a photo that Allison Williams posted to Instagram with half of Marnie’s wedding day makeup on.
When the girls critique Marnie’s makeup, the artist feels insulted so she walks out on the job. And an on edge Marnie freaks the bleep out!
Hannah follows Marnie into the bathroom and tries to make her feel better about her makeup.
Hannah also apologizes to Marnie and tells her that she was scared of all of the changes that would come after Marnie was married. Marnie says it’s been years since Hannah checked in with her and asks Hannah to pretend that she is doing the right thing. Then, Marnie asks:
“Do you think I’m making a mistake?”
To which Hannah responds:
“No, I’m with you every step of the way.”
And with the help of a dish sponge, Jessa helps Marnie wipe away a few of the layers of makeup. Which we imagine was a process similar to when Johnny Depp took his Donald Trump makeup off.
Jessa also helps the other bridesmaids get ready.
The girls exit their dressing quarters wearing yellow ponchos, and begin walking down the aisle. Hannah hesitates, until Shoshanna asks her if she’s coming. Hannah follows, and the ladies ditch their ponchos once they seen the sun is shining.
We’ll have to wait for the next episode to see if Marnie and Desi go through with the whole pledging their love for eternity thing. It could mean happily ever after, or it could be the second time we’ve seen a member of squad rush down the aisle. Remember Jessa and Thomas-John?
Read or Share this story: http://usat.ly/1TzwjmM